college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
