I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
