my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
