cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
