She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
