We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
