Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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