we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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