i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
