fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
