We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
