plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
