Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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