I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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