My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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