Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
