I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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