You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
as a side note pls kill me
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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