she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
