He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
