Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
