the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
