if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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