Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
