So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
