mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
