Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
