So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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