So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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