He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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