Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
