blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
