naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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