I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
