when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
