Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
