There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
