Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
