I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
