I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
