I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
