He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
