I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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