I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
