I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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