it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
