she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish you could order shots online.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
