Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
