You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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