Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
